[su_heading size=”18″]What to Get Her On Mother’s Day[/su_heading]

We piled into Vini-man on Saturday and peeled out of the driveway, late as usual for Thumper’s Lacrosse Tournament in Vail. What is it about my family that we have to be late for everything? When I met Baddy he was one of those punctual people who would love to tease me about my innate disability to ever be on time.

In a perfect world Baddy’s punctuality would rub off on me but in my dysfunctional world Wade now contributes to my lateness. I sat in the car puffing hot air out of my Taurean nose pouting over my misfortune that Thumper’s Lacrosse Tournament weekend annually conflicts with my birthday and Mother’s Day.

I tried to put myself in Baddy’s position. It truly would be impossible for him to arrange for breakfast to be brought to me in bed being that I wake up approximately four hours earlier than everybody else. He wouldn’t dare give me flowers after all the times I reprimanded him for giving the the most predictable thing on Valentines Day and due to our compromised finances it would not be fair for me to expect him to spend his paycheck on jewels for me.

It is truly my fault for not spelling out my needs to my family in thick, black ink on their foreheads. I confuse them with my indecisiveness. I wouldn’t want to miss a Lacrosse game and yet I was resentful that they did not plan a special outing for me in between the three games on Saturday. I am certain that if I knew what I wanted, my family would be more than happy to deliver. A sulking mother/wife does not make for a happy family.

Mother’s Day is a national holiday designed to appreciate mothers for being…well..mothers. APPRECIATE being the key word.  It should become a tradition where children feel lost unless they are lavishing their attention upon their mothers. It really should not be difficult to place us on a pedestal for two days. Mothers should forward this list to all father’s around the world:

1. No scheduled personal golf games, bike rides, trips or meetings.
2. Mommy does not cook a meal or touch anything dirty or unfolded all day.
3. All chores are taken over by the rest of the family.
4. Ensure at all costs that mommy wakes up to a peaceful house with little chefs preparing sausages and eggs in the kitchen.
5. Husbands wait lovingly and patiently for mom to wake up at the ready with beautifully wrapped presents (note the s on presents), a bouquet of tasteful flowers and chocolate covered strawberries should be presented on a silver plate to complement the flute of champagne that you have poured.
6. If you are staying at a hotel, call in advance and arrange flowers, chocolate or wine to be placed on the bedside table or for rose petals to be casually tossed on the duvet.
7. Don’t wait for the day of to buy a gift. Put thought into the gift at least a month prior to Mother’s Day allowing for shipments to come in on time. Think deeply about her interests and hobbies.
8. Prepare a list with the children presenting a myriad of ideas to enact throughout the weekend showing your love and appreciation.

If any husband chose just one item off of the above list our world would be a far greater place to live in. Not to mention that they would be guaranteed to get outstanding accolades from all  the envious wives around them. Men should not be afraid of making  other husband’s look bad. It is far more important to please your wife than it is to commiserate with your fellow banished buddy. After all, for two days out of the year, a little foresight and affection can go a long way.