It is not easy being me but I sure can be entertaining at times. Take last week for example, I baked a cake for Brevitt’s birthday and brought it in to school to enhance the birthday impact. I am infamous for making delicious lopsided cakes but this year I decided to go healthy and try a recipe that I had never made before, first mistake. The cake was made with molasses, oatmeal and applesauce, second mistake. It was cooked to perfection but when I tasted it I got worried. Brevitt called from school to check in and I forewarned him that I would not be bringing in one of those store bought disgusting cakes that leave plastic in your stomach, he moaned in frustration and fear that he would once again be embarrassed by his crazy mom.
I guess it is a blessing that I no longer have the luxury of spending hundreds of dollars to mask my mistakes, frantically zooming to Midland Bakery in Basalt to purchase the perfect cupcakes that a professional baker has made. I improvised and arrived at the school with a healthy cake decorated with high fructose corn syrup frosting and red hots. The cake was devoured and Brevitt learned to trust his mom a little more.
The last time I brought a cake to school I was told by Brevitt’s not so favorite teacher that I was too late and had missed the window to present it to Brevitt’s favorite teacher. Brevitt and his sweet friends gathered around me and made me feel better reassuring me that we can’t all be perfect and that they too have cried over silly things like cake. I stood there with the most delicious chocolate cake in my hands, still warm from the oven, fighting back my tears of frustration. You would think that I would give up on the whole cake endeavor.
The frustrations that I create for myself do not end with cake. A good friend told me the other day that I have discipline issues with my boys. I looked at her as my kids raced around like cowboys and asked, “ya think?”. I didn’t elaborate that it is not just discipline issues that I have trouble with. Thankfully, she is not privy to my arriving to school every morning by the skin of my teeth with smoke coming out of my ears and again at the end of the day with my hair wild and a million unfinished projects left on the back burner.
To be a good disciplinarian one has to be consistent, focused and organized. Not my finest attributes. On a good week, I peacefully go through the cookbooks for lunch and dinner menus and bring the list to the grocery store. Lunches become a cinch and Tucker and I have a wonderful time cooking meals together during the days. Unfortunately, this is not the norm for me.
I really cannot stand that I am always behind the eight ball so this week I decided to make a concentrated effort to get the meals organized and to wake up early enough to factor in my soft addiction to the internet. I heard the obnoxiously loud music go off early this morning followed by my incredibly annoyed husband pulling the alarm clock out of the wall and throwing it across the room, I guess I accidentally set it for 4:30am. Even when I try, I somehow manage to sabotage my efforts.
Some days are better than others!
Spying on Brevitt and his friends as they cruise around town on his birthday, supposedly unsupervised
Jillian's Real Life 
Loved your blog.. I was a PTA Mom for the first 5 yrs of school..Then dread divorce… I became a working Mom I keep up with Girl Scouts but had to let everything else go.. Now we are talking about the 70’s when a man had to be boss in the work place. Today my children are working out and a stay at home Mom so something went right…Good luck you can do it..And what ever you do remember Your kids love you…
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That is what I’m missing, I need to become a PTA mom. Do you think they’ll have me?
It is tough going through a divorce when you have children, I have lived through it via my sister back East, but I am so proud of her that she did not stay with somebody who was a negative influence in her life.
Thank you for your encouraging words!
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I DO know about your smoky ears and your wild hair and your unfinished projects my friend. Because happy, normal people are like that. Dis is very normal. Or do I just think that because of all my unfinished projects? smooch
I love you
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Ahhh shit, your spying on me again!!! Yes, another quote from my beloved Gretchen, taken to heart. I love you too!
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LOL! Ah, yes, those were the days that I declared I only wanted two words on my tombstone – “She Tried!” – convinced that all my efforts would somehow lead to my premature and untimely death!
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Oh you make me laugh.
I am so glad that I have your blog to show me that there is life after kids go off to college, that is if I can make it that far!
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I loved the cake story, your patience with yourself and willingness to try again (that’s like me and romantic relationships… I’m onto the healthier recipes now, too!), and the kids reassurances that who you are – however you are – is all right by them.
In these human forms, I think the best we can ever expect of ourselves is that we try. We set intentions, we put our best efforts forth and if our efforts are filled with love, then only loving results can ensue.
Loving results are good results. They may not measure up to “conventional wisdom’s” take on what makes for good results, or success, or what-have-you, but if conventional wisdom were so wise, fewer people would turn away from it and blaze their own trail.
I love reading your posts, so thanks for always putting yourself out there!
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Good to see that you have gone to healthier relationships! You clearly deserve to have harmony and love in your life.
You are so right on about trying. I just had that conversation this morning with a friend of mine. We cannot beat ourselves up for things that we do not accomplish with are children and in our lives. We must be patient and know that we are trying as hard as we can!
As for love…that’s all we need, right?
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Kudos to you for being honest and for always trying your best! I’m new to your site and I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you for believing in me!
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I am the mom that brings in the disgusting cake. My boys have grown a fondness for it since they realized I cannot bake. Well, I bake brownies, from a box. I’m good with them. I think your feats sound very admirable, but you may not consider that a compliment coming from the likes of a no-baking, barely home in time to make dinner, wish I stayed at home jealous woman. Come to think of it…I should just delete this entry and start over.
But that would require me to NOT be lazy.
Happy Wednesday. 🙂
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Once again Jillian I can relate to so much of this article. i was informed today that my youngest child was saying dumbass and @#$%face on the playground with the 1st grade boys. One of his friends went home and told his mom whom told the teacher. Funny thing is that i am that moms other child’s preschool teacher. So, my youngest has watched star wars lego on you tube and apparently discovered one that wasn’t so age appropriate. Nice paying attention mom.
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You are an incredible mother. Just be thankful that you were alerted to it early on!
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Great post, Jillian! I’m glad to have found you through Lea. That stupid teacher should have gladly accepted the cake, be it night or day! Dumba*s. (Her, not you.)
Loved this: “…he moaned in frustration and fear that he would once again be embarrassed by his crazy mom.
I guess it is a blessing that I no longer have the luxury of spending hundreds of dollars to mask my mistakes…”
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What a perfect peek into your thankfully imperfect life! (So glad I’m not the only one…) You and I are more alike than I’d imagined… too funny, the mental image I have of you arriving at school, hair wild!
And yes, I hear you on your comment on my blog… we shouldn’t focus on our looks, but on the experiences of our lives, our intellects. Look what you did for your son — you created a meaningful, funny birthday memory for him.
You must be the perfect mom after all!
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